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You know why women often say “nothing’s wrong” when something is definitely bothering them
It’s because men have been belittling, minimizing and mocking our emotions forever
And we are socialized to be as passive and undemanding and selfless as possible, and not to run any risk of bothering or angering a man lest he abandon or hurt us
It’s not passive aggression, it is fear
oh my god
it’s not passive aggression, it is fear
Makes me laugh every time
I BET THAT IF TWO KIDS LIVED IN THOSE TWO HOUSES THAT THEY WOULD COME OUT ON THEIR ALMOST CONJOINING ROOFS OUTSIDE THEIR BEDROOM WINDOWS AND TALK AND BE BEST FRIENDS AND FALL IN LOVE.
I will not write fluff to that. I won’t. No.
LUCY I FOUND IT
But what if instead of two kids, it was, say, a kid and an old woman? And at first they just ignore each other and keep their blinds down and curtains shut, but then the kid climbs out onto the roof one spring morning to get a frisbee and she’s got the window open bc it’s so nice out and she tells him to cut that out, it’s not a jungle gym and maybe the kid shows off a bit and nearly falls, and the old woman catches his arm…. anyway, so sometimes they leave the windows open and the kid’ll show off his comic books or asks what rhymes with ‘beautiful’ (and it’s totally for homework shut up), and the old woman tells him about all the protests and marches she took part in, and asks him the name of that one cute pop star (it’s absolutely for her crossword now shush). And the old woman gives the kid relationship advice, and doesn’t tell when he tries a bit too much of his parents’ liquor cabinet one time, and the kid comes over and shows her how to use the smartphone her daughter bought for her, and doesn’t tell when she sneaks a cigarrette out of said daughter’s bag. And when the weather’s too bad to open the windows, they tape silly pictures or notes to the glass for the other to see (the kid makes sure to make his extra big so she doesn’t have to admit her eyeight isn’t what it used to be), and when it is nice the kid will sneak over and leave seashells on her windowsill, because the old woman said once she misses the sea, but she can’t travel like she used to. And one day he peeks in her window and sees her on the floor, and calls 911 and basically saves her life because she had a stroke and nobody would’ve known in time otherwise. And when she finally gets back from the hospital, just for a while because her daughter’s talking about a retirement home where she’ll have plenty of medical care and lots of friends her age, the kid comes through the window and then pulls another kid through the window who he introduces as his boyfriend, and says he wanted her to meet him. And she sniffs and interrogates the boyfriend in proper elderly relative fashion, and then declares him worthy of her boy— barely. And when she finally does have to go to that retirement home, the kid still comes to visit her, and always leaves seashells on the windowsill.
I’m not crying or anything
I am omg
i know i’ve reblogged this picture a thousand times but this extra bit is so worth it, it’s gorgeous
I have about 1,000 asks that just say “What on earth is happening?” So, let me do my best to tell you.
This week, a young woman came forward who dated Tom Milsom when she was sixteen. She made it clear that that relationship, which ended more than a year ago, was manipulative and exploitative. I talked to Tom about this and he confirmed that the relationship was inappropriate and he regretted it.
I was really angry about it and I released a statement saying as much. After that, I realized how powerful my voice was and was actually a little bit terrified by that. I realized that I had, for a lot of people, made myself seem like the judge and jury of who is a good and bad person and that really freaked me out. I am not an investigation unit, nor am I a court of law. Honestly, I’m still freaked out because I’m worried that, with this post, I’m still doing it.
The positive and supportive response to Olga’s story about Tom enabled some people to come forward anonymously saying that Alex Day had engaged in similar romantic relationships with them that were exploitative and even abusive.
After that happened, several accusations were posted about other YouTubers including Dan and Phil and Tyler Oakley. Those were soon proven to be entirely false and the people who posted them confirmed that they were just making stuff up. I want to reiterate that posting false accounts of abuse undermines the legitimate problems we’re facing and mocks the difficulty that victims face in coming forward and it is a terrible thing to do.
However, the posts about Alex were very credible. But then Alex issued a statement saying he had never engaged in such a relationship.
On a personal note, I then had absolutely no idea what to do. My ask box was 200 asks deep with people asking me to clear the situation up for them, or to publicly condemn Alex or to publicly support Alex. I’d set myself up (accidentally) to look like the omniscient knower of the YouTube community. I was super freaked.
After about a day passed, Alex issued a statement confirming that, in fact, he had been in those relationships and had constructed situations that pressured people into intimacy and had used a model of consent that he admitted was terrible which he referred to “only no means no” which is both extremely disrespectful and a recipe for enabling abuse.
For what it’s worth, my personal read on this situation is that Alex knew he had been shitty and manipulative, but he didn’t realize until the victims came out the extent of what he had done. That does not excuse what he did…the fact that he was so unthinking and irresponsible as to not even notice has its own brand of gross.
This probably goes without saying but I am both furious and saddened that people in my community would have these manipulative, unhealthy, and even abusive relationships. I do not know all of the details of these relationships, nor do I believe it is my place to know, but I have no doubt that Alex and Tom took advantage of people and I am so tired of being angry that now I’m just sad.
Thank you for the victims for coming forward and thank you to this entire community for upholding these values in a way that I don’t think any other community in the world would be able to.
If you are in an abusive relationship, or just think you might be, there is help to be had. Sometimes even realizing the nature of your relationship is difficult. And getting out can seem impossible. It is not.
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE
Me starting a rebellion at my school
all you did is ruin some janitor’s afternoon because they have to scrub your stupid fandom crap off the walls i swear you people need to control yourselves
The juxtaposition of these two urls makes the comments that much more satisfying
I guess I should talk about stuff
Alex makes three friends of mine that have been outed for this kind of behaviour, and I realise that because of my connection, everything I say at this juncture is going to be under a microscope. I don’t blame anyone for that. It should be. You should be looking at everyone you consider an influential figure like this.
I’ve been trying to steer clear of everything until it reached a finite conclusion, and it seems like we’re getting close. But just because these particular cases might reach their natural end, doesn’t mean we should ever stop talking about this because it’s SO IMPORTANT that we keep taking steps to end this now, instead of waiting around for whoever’s next.
If you consider yourself a fan, or part of a fandom of a content creator, or have had the chance to interact with them personally, you should be asking yourself these questions:
- Do I think this has happened to someone I know?
- Do I think this has happened to me?
In either case, please consider coming forward. Now is the time. It’s scary because there are big numbers of awful people who think defending their idols is more important than your personal struggles, but please know there are also a lot of people who want this to be a safe space for you and others, and we will support you.
If you are a content creator of any level of influence and interact within the community, you should be asking yourself these questions:
- Do I know someone who might be doing this?
- Have I done anything similar, and do I know the full extent of the idea of consent?
- (and I hope this is minimal, like no more than one more person because seriously) How long until I get caught?
If you even have to ask yourself the last question, you should do the smart and honest thing now: Admit to your mistakes, consider seeking help, forfeit your audience and go away. Or do the smart but guilty thing and just go away. Forever.
Though a lot of people feel their minds have been put at ease by Alex’s statements/follow-up actions, I can’t in good intention say that I am satisfied until the people who have spoken out about him are. Some of them are also my friends and people I hold in incredibly high regard, and they have been subject to this sort of emotional manipulation up close and personally. Sometimes I worry if I have fallen for it too, in moments when I should have been questioning a friend’s moral code. For any time that I may have unintentionally turned a blind eye to this sort of thing, all I can do is say I’m so, so very sorry.
On a personal note: this has been a rough couple of days. While it shouldn’t be about me in any way when there are actual victims involved, it’s not a good feeling to know that three people you’ve held dear and looked up to, have done stuff that not only goes completely against your beliefs and everything you stand for, but have potentially called your entire lifestyle and livelihood into question in one fell swoop.
With that in mind, however, I have received so many wonderful messages and notes of support from friends and followers alike, and I’m overwhelmed. It would be so easy to keep me at arm’s length and I wouldn’t blame anyone, but there are so many good people in this community, and I’m going to strive every day to be more like you.